Austenland

I think anyone who has read this blog, has already made some assumptions about my intelligence. This isn't going to help boost that reputation but I had been recommended by Netflix and others to see Austenland a long time ago, to which I scoffed and declined assuming that this movie took place in Texas and Bush has led me to hate that state so much that not even its coolest city could make me interested in a rom-com about it. But for some odd reason, I suddenly noticed that its an E and not an I and so I hit play on Austenland to my pure pure delight and now I am in love with this movie! And I vow dear readers (all ten of you) that if I win the lottery, I will make my own rom-com single woman's theme park! I often tell my husband about one of the most romantic days of my life, how I went horse back riding and the guy that was supposed to lead the group was super super hot, a romance novel Native American man who winked and flirted with me and then asked the other assistant to take over as he pulled me over and said "You really know what you are doing, what do you say we give these horses a run, you know how to ride a horse don't you? Just like a man, you just squeeze your thighs". Sigh... oh so so hot. And no we didn't do it! That's it, we ran the horses! That was hot, sexy and PG13 ya'll! I totally want to give a whole theme park filled of moments like that for women! And here is this gem of a film with that same premise. Adorable and funny, Jennifer Coolidge stealing every scene she can and some genuine plot twists I didn't expect (which come on, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I've been around the block, I know almost every rom-com plot out there). So lets check this one off shall we (and by the way, yes I'm back, and not actually because of this movie but another, which I'll have to go back to and write on another evening but this one is currently the most fresh in my mind, but yes I took a long break away because, a) I really actually hate any kind of thing that is routine and b) I couldn't find the password to this email address ) Giddy: Um, this comes as no surprise to you, I am an Austen fan (of Pride and Prejudice not Austin the town in Texas that is unfortunately in Texas). That mixed with hot guys, British accents, and period costumes, yeah the Giddiness was OFF THE CHARTS! Lie: Well really from the beginning you are assuming that all the men are actors in this, that they are all hired theme park performers and so you never know who is really telling the truth. Great way to keep a gal guessing. We actually (yes I forced my hubby to watch this TWICE with me) watched this twice to try and get clear the end and who was really acting and who was really in love. Big out burst: Spoiler alert- not that I expect that really matters here but at the end 2 men chase down our heroine at the airport. Hilarious! Dance Sequence: During the credits they do a lip sync to a a great song! Wedding: Alas no.. but there is a ball - and its wonderful! Rewatchable: I saw this 2 times in 24 hours and laughed just as much both times. I'm already vowing to own it. Love: Okay well, perhaps its only downside is that I really didn't know who to believe until the last 10 minutes so I wasn't fully invested in that romance plot. Fantasy: Everyone walking around in full Austen garb and a damn stuffed peacock in every scene? Yup, I'd say so.. but not for long, not when I win the lottery and start my own single ladies theme park! Journey of the Main character: I know that the journey she is supposed to be on is finally coming to terms with Austen's novels not being all they are cracked up to be and that she wants to live in reality but this is pretty weak here in the movie. I was wrapped up in the silly and spectacle that I hardly believed her, and her heartache didn't seem too earth shattering. Body count: There were a lot of stuffed peacocks but I have to say zero on humans... sigh. I really was rooting for the aunt to get it in the end. Music montages: Yep there are a couple, they are nice. Again, Jennifer Coolidge steals every scenes she is in, she is so friggen brilliant! Strong Female: She does turn down one guy...she is looking for her Darcy which basically means she's looking for a man that doesn't exist... I say

yes and no. I could go further, but my personal jury is still out on us Austen fans and where we lie on the feminist spectrum.

Can't Buy Me Love

Can’t Buy Me Love
Oh oh oh! This is the movie that started it all! McDreamy at his best! Everyone’s been copying this teen out line since, but here we are at the one that taught us all those valuable life lessons: Borrowing ‘Moms’ clothes will always lead to disaster (or as in my case, borrowing Dad’s vest – what?! Vests were popular in the 90s – will lead to him taking all of your clothes out of your room leaving you with only what is on the floor to wear for an entire month), It doesn’t matter how hot you are no one wants to hear your poetry, If you do a weird tribal dance with confidence everyone will like you and join in, If you finally stand up for the nerds you will earn a slow clap, You can go from totally geek to totally chic with hair gel and ripping your clothes, and of course: You can buy your popularity but not love. Despite the fact that watching 80’s movies right now makes me feel a little like I never lived up to my own potential (yes, I’m feeling that “I’m old and I never did anything with my life” depression again), this movie can bring me nothing but joy joy joy! So lets check it off shall we?
• Giddy: Hell yes! We have several dance scenes, the geeks vs. the cools, emotional outbursts on top of lawn mowers and slow claps!
• Lie: Ohhh yes! Its supposed to be their lil secret that he pays her 1,000 bucks just to pretend to go out with him so he can become popular. But oh how she spills the beans!
• Big Emotional Outburst: Is there any other way than on a lawn mower?
• Wedding: No but that’s okay, just looking at the suede white suit she and her mother fight over, I’m guessing that it would be so full of tacky 80’s garb, I might fight down vomit.
• Dance Sequence: I think we have 3! If you count the white girl “cheering” in the beginning, which is nothing short of bad jazz-pre-stripper routine.
• Rewatchable: Yes! Oh hell yes! So glad to finally own this one!
• Love: I think Ronald sums it up best in his speech to the jock who is about to pummel his friend. And he gets the slow clap for such a wonderful performance (sigh, I never got the slow clap, Oh wait, no I think I did but it was for something drunk and stupid I did at a party and it was more out of a way to make fun of me and not to encourage me onward – jokes on them though – I’ve been drunk and stupid many many times since!).
• Fantasy: I think this is actually closer to reality than you think. I think popularity only takes money, always has and always will (I saw that there is a company now out there who will take your money, put you in places near stars and get you your own paparazzi thus enabling you to be talked about and made famous- for a fee of course. I think my fee to get me famous would have to be a lot larger than some young 100 pound beauty). But we are transported back to the golden age of 80s and highschool and thus there is a lovely scent of nostalgia (and the pungent smell of regret) in the air.
• Journey of the main character: Again, see Ronald’s slow clap moment.
• Body Count: none
• Music Montages/Soundtrack: Oh we have a few golden oldies
• Strong Female: Not really no. If finally going for a ride on the boy’s lawnmower is redemption enough for ya, maybe but for me, nope this girl ends up arm candy to somebody else who can support her shopping habit.

The Back Up Plan

The Back Up Plan
Happy birthday to me! I’m 35 today. And what better way to celebrate than watch a wonderful Romantic Comedy! But oh noooooooooooo, it’s The Back Up Plan! Oh god, I suddenly am lying in the fetal position on the floor crying because my clock has been ticking for years (it’s real, it’s INSANE how real it is, I’m not kidding, I never wanted kids, EVER, and now… my god… it’s babies, its all I think of… and I’m married to a man who well…isn’t there yet and now...I’m OLD… oh my god its physically painful at times) and here is a rom com about a woman who decides to take matters into her own hands at the exact moment she meets the one. Breath, just breath… but actually, it’s pretty funny and after an impropriate glass of wine in the middle of the day… its not so bad…once I get past the whole- I’m-35-years-old-and-I-don’t-have-a-kid-and-don’t-even-get-me-started-on-the-whole-fertility-drugs-selfishness-soap-box. So yeah, despite the feeling of personal utter failure welling up on my part, I still found this film adorable and no Jenn birthday should be without a cute adorable rom com! And away we go…
• Giddy: The first date…in the garden, before everything goes beautifully wrong (hell even when it does), it is the ultimate date, and despite that it’s “cheap” pizza it would cost a fortune to do in NY. I’m smiling down to my toes!
• Lie: She doesn’t tell him the moment she meets him that she’s preggers, but seriously…would you?! I wouldn’t say anything till… um… the babies out?
• Big Emotional Outburst: Okay seriously, can you top an emotional outburst as big as this? She’s in LABOR! With TWINS (damn fertility drugs… many of you who read this already know my prejudice against the over-population of the world and disgust in fertility drugs instead of adoption)!
• Wedding: Yes, and this time, it’s not so appealing, it’s old people, so its sweet but not so glamorous.
• Dance Sequence: Yes of course, in the wedding with walkers! Woohoo!
• Rewatchable: Yes, especially as soon as I’ve got a damn kid of my own!
• Love: What I really like about this kind of love, is its actually quite opposite of most of the loves. It’s the love that says “I’m still gonna be there through all the crap, cause you, and us are worth it”. It’s a rarely seen in rom com land kind of love and its really heartwarming. Because after the passion dies down THIS- this is what you really want, a partner.
• Fantasy: Other than having a baby, a nice pet store, enough money to afford twin in NYC?...
• Journey of the main character: Here we have a woman who is truly being irrational, she dumps him over the dumbest thing, because she’s made up her mind she can do it on her own rather than deal with compromise with another, and then learns that she’d rather do it all with him.
• Body Count: None… hrm.
• Music Montages/Soundtrack: Not very noticeable to me, but maybe some other time.
• Strong Female: Yes, she’s willing to do it all alone. But finds the courage to do it with someone else.
And here is a bit of my own rom-com:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te94SZ0nIrY

Just My Luck

Just My Luck
Hollywood infected my brain (check out the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1VTcJfL7RE)!
Okay, yes, this movie has Lindsey Lohan, and yes she’s not very good, but I had never seen this movie before now, and I find it ADORABLE! That’s right, I think I might finally be going off the deep end, being alone everyday with my dog and a ton of Rom Coms, because I actually liked this movie. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have my standards, its’ no Princess Bride! But its cute, and perfect for a snowy day (and snow, is there anything better that watching snow fall? Oh wait there is (Hawaii) never mind)! I know you’re rolling your eyes (Blohan? Really? I know I know!) so lets just cut the chit chat and get to it shall we?

• Giddy: Okay I’m sucker for those damn blue eyes (I don’t trust them, but I’m a sucker for em),Chris Pine is adorable, and then we have this whole luck thing (something I’ve been more on the down side of than the upside of) that I find so fascinating: she doesn’t know she has luck till she loses it and they both give it up for each other in one of the greatest romantic places in all of NYC, Grand Central Station (okay seriously what is wrong with me, the majority of the Rom-Coms are set in NYC and I do NOT feel the love for real when I walk through the same places).
• Lie: not really no…
• Big Emotional Outburst: Yes!
• Wedding: um no
• Dance Sequence: No
• Rewatchable: Yes actually, I love this cute magical plot
• Love: Love makes us not care about our luck, because we’re lucky to be with the one we love
• Fantasy: This whole sweet luck plot that is switched by a kiss is adorable, and man, I wish I could find someone with that luck and kiss them! But best yet, there is an entire scene where she goes around kissing strangers trying to get her luck back (something I have often fantasized about – what you don’t? Really? You know standing there on the train, seeing some cute person engrossed in their book or iphone and you focus on their lips and wonder just how they taste and that little devil pops up inside you and says ‘wouldn’t it be a great way to shake up their day’ and the urge just swims with in you the entire ride? No?)
• Journey of the main character: Ms. Lohan learns that she had great luck only once she’s lost it and learns to live with in the bad luck and learns that others are more deserving of her good luck than herself.
• Body Count: none boo
• Music Montages/Soundtrack: Oh here it is just awful! And we even have one of those music montages where we sum up the entire movie, or last 10 minutes in a flash back montage. Oh dear lord!
• Strong Female: Somewhat…

Letters to Juliet

Letters to Juliet
This movie should be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, this movie’s plot should go down in history as the worst plot ever, and this movie should be on my list of ones to never watch again BUT… darn it all, I find it strangely pulling me in, maybe its my own insecurity in the choices I’ve made in my life and the hope that maybe I’d be able to redeem them one day or maybe its my pms, but I end up liking and being swept up into this ridiculous plot. I really didn’t want to like this film. It has a HORRIBLE plot (come on, anyone who has been to Italy or even read EAT, PRAY, LOVE knows that there is no way that a letter would go from Italy to England that quickly): A girl goes to Italy on what is supposed to be a pre-honeymoon and while her fiance neglects her she stumbles upon a wall where women write to Juliet and finds a group of women who write letters back as Juliet, she becomes one, sends a letter to a woman who wrote 50 years before, and the woman shows up and she journeys with her in search of her “one true love”! The society of Juliets? Really? Every detail about this plot is ridiculous. And then the jerk grandson comes in, teaching me that Brits aren’t all warm and fuzzy (seriously, their accent is so damn cute, I thought they were all super sweet and adorable). Despite myself, I kind of liked this movie. I’m as shocked as you are dear reader! Like I said, maybe it’s the pms. But…well lets just check it off shall we, maybe I’ll change my mind…

• Giddy: When Vanessa Redgrave finally meets her true love… yeah I’m a little giddy.
• Lie: um none really
• Big Emotional Outburst: Oh dear lord, the end scene where Amanda is on a balcony and the angry brit (whom I never warmed up to) pathetically tried to climb up to her… oh I feel embarrassed for those actors but we do have the big emotional outburst…ug, HOWEVER lets give him credit for saying the only true line in the movie: New York is overated.
• Wedding: Yes actually! And its beautiful! I want one just like it
• Dance Sequence: nope
• Rewatchable: um…well…its gonna be at the bottom of the pile, I’m gonna have to be a bit desperate
• Love: Well first she’s with a guy who is more passionate about his work and food than her (that sounds familiar to me… a little TOO familiar and he never even reads her writing or shows any real interest in her own passion… also way too familiar…my husbands doesn’t read this blog…) and then she falls for a guy who… I guess loves her (after he’s done hating her- and I’m not sure when that switch actually happened)…
• Fantasy: Besides this horrible plot? Well… there’s Italy and my god, if your gonna give me a bad bad plot and bad actors at least give me something pretty to look at… and you did: Italy!
• Journey of the main character: Um… I think there is supposed to be one in there, I just had a hard time seeing it. She journeys through Italy though! That’s something!
• Body Count: none…we could have used some here!
• Music Montages/Soundtrack: typical Italian music during pretty drives through Italy
• Strong Female: Um no… you really can’t call this woman strong at all. Perhaps Ms. Redgrave makes up for it?

Just Wright

Just Wright
So, once upon a time, in my pathetic lil brain, I couldn’t understand that there really were women that were cold hearted Gold-diggers. I mean, I had always chalked it up to nasty labels like “psycho” that ex-boyfriends used to sum up women. But that obviously (just like Psycho- which usually means the men did something wrong and the woman lashed out and god forbid dumped the men and then the guys go around saying that she’s just Psycho) there must be a deeper story there. However with age (and my god, I’m getting old), and experience, I’ve come to understand that just like there CAN be pure evil out there in the world (Dick Cheney) there does exist these women, looking for men to just “take care of them”(also proven true: a dear friend of mine who recently got dumped from a true “psyco”). I discovered the majority of them live here in NYC and in LA. It’s sad. Really sad. And this movie, is one of those wonderful fantasies of good triumphing over the gold digger! And not just good, Queen Latifah good! I think Queen Latifah is my new Goddess of Rom Coms, because I want her to win so badly, I’m on her side from the moment she enters the screen and she always exudes beauty, confidence, with just enough of vulnerability. If only her male lead could act. Sigh. Well, he’s pretty to look at. So, lets get to it:

• Giddy: Jersey Represent!
• Lie: The GOLD DIGGER! AAAAH!
• Big Emotional Outburst: “Common” doesn’t have the chops to pull it off and the scene lies flat
• Wedding: nope – um… dear friend who got me started on this by giving me all these movies to watch… we’re not off to a good start this year! Where are the pretty white dresses?!?!?!?!?!?!
• Dance Sequence: Once again we have some dancing of one – the kind we all do in the bed, you know after we’ve been laid properly?
• Rewatchable: Yes indeed
• Love: Aw that sweet, I’d never notice the fat chick, not when hottie gold digger is around but oh wait, when hottie leaves, the fat chick actually has a soul and I find that so much more appealing.
• Fantasy: That good ol’ fat chicks like me could triumph over skinny hot gold diggers! My god I really love this fantasy! Reality is, even if he did end up with the Queen, she’ll spend her whole life insecure and paranoid that he’s cheating or going to leave her because she’s not as hot as her cousin!
• Journey of the main character: see the Love bullet.
• Body Count: none! And we really could have used one! I really feel that the gold digger should have died!
• Music Montages/Soundtrack: okay, um the bombom music during the making love scene is a bit over the top but the songs are okay.
• Strong Female: The Queen! Bow down to the Queen!

The Bounty Hunter

Bounty Hunter
So I just recently read a small yahoo blurb where they reported on Hugh Jackman “slamming” Jennifer Aniston because she makes crap movies and still gets to be considered Hollywood elite. And well, this one probably is one of the movies he’s talking about. But for my taste, I kind of like the movie. I like it the best so far of all her Rom Coms and it’s a cute lil flick. I don’t know if that means she deserves her huge paycheck but I would rather wonder why CEOs and the producers and hell Wallstreet deserve their big paychecks more than wonder why an actor does. As I am an actor who has never received paychecks for my acting, I kind like to at least be “pro-check” in case my luck ever does change…

• Giddy: Oh we start off with her breaking out of the trunk of a car, yes we have giddy moments all over. There is a palpable chemistry between Gerard and Jennifer (well, I think all us gals would have chemistry with Gerard, he’s yummy in a thug way). I actually like this tougher side of Jennifer too, like stealing the kids bike after he asked to see her boobs and she screams over her shoulder show me your penis! But her stripper mother(Christine Baranski) is fantastic!
• Lie: There’s a lovely mystery that has to unravel that keeps things moving along smoothly 
• Big Emotional Outburst: Yes, yes there are some big ones
• Wedding: nope
• Dance Sequence: No, except in my living room, while watching this movie…there are a few songs, I just can’t help it, the butt starts jigglin…
• Rewatchable: Yes, it’s adorable, I don’t care what Hugh Jackman thinks!
• Love: My favorite kind! Hate/Love! Yay! As some wise person once said (and I think I ignored them then as much as now): The worst thing is Apathy, Hate and Love can always lead to one another, but apathy can lead nowhere.
• Fantasy: To think that this relationship is really going to work a second time around? That’s a big Fantasy!
• Journey of the main character: Gerard goes to get his revenge for a broken heart by taking his exwife to jail but gets caught up in the mystery that needs to be solved and falls back in love with her.
• Body Count: I don’t think there are any but there is a lot of people getting really hurt, so… that counts as a plus in my book!
• Music Montages/Soundtrack: “It’s tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time, its tricky”, butt jiggling good tunes! YAY!
• Strong Female: Yes, Jennifer, you did well. Some people tell me (when I bother to actually try and look nice with make up on and such) that I resemble you and most of the time that irritates me but today… It makes me PROUD!