Apr 4, 2010

Did you hear about the Morgans

Oh my god she's back and talking about more RC's? YES! I'm working one of my many jobs that are not helping cover my NYC rent(to quote another not-so-RC-movie "Its hard out here for a pimp) and I had a little free time between kissing the SOHO Chic's asses so I thought I'd rant on this movie I saw last night.
Um.. there are only two ingredients really required in a Romantic Comedy and that is ROMANCE and COMEDY! And this movie... tried... but did not have either really in it. As you know by now, I'm a Hugh Grant fan through and through. No blow job from a hooker is going to turn me away from loving him on the big screen. But every scene it looks like he is desperately trying to get Sarah (or as my husband calls her SKELATOR)to play along and so every line comes out like "hey - maybe you'll find me funny or charming if I say THIS line". Meanwhile, all the surgery and days without food have not only taken away any fat cells left on Sarah Jessica Parker's face but also the ability to react to anything. Ouch, maybe that's a little mean. But ultimately, what we're missing here is JOY. Every great RC has that twinkle in the eye of the actors that lets you know this is fun, this is love, this is JOY! And even Mary Steemburgen seems to have been told this was a drama instead of a comedy. So here is how "Did you hear about the Morgans" (and do I really need to even mention how much that title SUCKS?) adds up to the Remke list of RC Do's:

Giddy: The only time I was Giddy, was when I saw that it was out on video and my husband and I sat down to watch it with a plate full of great pasta. From that moment on though... I was pretty disappointed, sorry to say.
Lie: They are pretending to be from Chicago instead of New York as they stay in the witness protection program.
Big Emotional Outburst: I think there was supposed to be one from Jessica... but I... I... well... I never saw it...
Wedding: Nope
Rewatchable: Nope
Love: Nope - okay that's not fair but really its the kind that is like: I love you but I want to make a baby so much that I drive you crazy and to cheating and then we separate and then we witness a murder together and are forced to be together out in a small town and that makes us bond again...and decide to adopt (the only real positive message I got from this film).
Fantasy: They have a very rich life in NYC that I want...
Journey of the Main Character: I think Sarah is supposed to go through a change out in the small town that makes her love her husband again but um...I ... I ...well... I didn't see it...
Body Count: 1 (thank God for small miracles)
Music Montages/Soundtrack: Oh dear lord, its like the editing team got together and said: Hey this movie is SLLOOWWW paced, lets speed it up with music montages. And they are horrible. Most of the music reminds me of a really bad musical I did in Chicago that I'd rather forget about but it had all that old school country in it. Ug
Strong Female: um... she shoots really well the very first time she picks up a gun?

Dear Producers of Did you hear about the Morgans: I'm sorry - this hurts me more than it hurts you. I know that.